On Friendship ~ Chapter Three

The Friendship Factor
How To Get Closer to the People You Care For

Alan McGinnis, pastor and counselor, points out that friendship is the basis of every intimate relationship…

Women have more friends than men because men have been conditioned to avoid the openness and vulnerability of a friendship. For the most part, men's friendships revolve around activities (tennis, golf) while women's revolve around closeness.

Even an introverted, shy person can have close friends. Friendship has nothing to do with being an introvert or an extrovert. It has everything to do with realizing that love is something you do!

Friendships do not happen in a vacuum. There is certain chemistry with friends just as in a love relationship. Therefore, contact with other people is the first building block of friendship. The transition from stranger to acquaintance to friend begins with attention--one of you attracts the other, or it's a mutual attraction. This happens when you share an experience. Once you have captured the attention of another person or vice-versa, you must expand on that original attraction. This expansion includes additional contacts and conversation.

Some people have more trouble getting out there than others. Who does have trouble getting out in the world to make friends?

Shy people or people who are true loners often seek safety by staying away from people. If they don't even work with many people, they will have a hard time sharing experiences with someone who is attractive to them and vice-versa.

Elderly people or people who do not drive also have trouble getting out in most of the American world. Other people are isolated by physical disabilities, by geography, by abusive relationships, etc.

New mothers are often too tired or just too busy to keep up an active and satisfying social life. Yet studies have shown mothers are happier and more assured when they are able to meet with adults regularly, particularly with other mothers.

If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Friendship with oneself is all important because without it one cannot be friends with anybody else in the world. ~Eleanor Roosevelt